As my personal New Year has come I have decided to make some adjustments to my life. These adjustment all have varying degrees of impact on my life, but all have lasting positive influences on my life as well. I am going to track the progress and report it on my blog so if it interests anyone to follow, please join me. I see this as a positive fast track to healing by;
1 Focusing on the intangible assets that I hold dearest to my heart and soul, that being my family.
2. Eliminating mind enhancing medications, (all are legally prescribed by a physician).
3. Terminating/Suspending any undo stress regarding people places, or things that I deem unhealthy or unwanted in my life.
4. I will also tell my story with many different forms of writing, so I will label sarcasm, anger, humor and any emotion so no one can confuse my message. I am well aware of the interpretation some can have when there is not any tones of the voice to associate intent. This is not to insult the intelligence of anyone, but to keep a clear perspective for all caliber of readers.
5. This is not a blog to offend anyone, but simply telling my story to a healthier me. And anyone has the right to not read it as well as the right to enjoy the progress as much as I plan to.
6. UPDATEED AMMENDMENT: Delete #4 I am not going to label my writing. After thinking about it, people need to read it as I write it and understand it as it is written or please refer to #5. Nothing more nothing less. I am pretty good at showing my emotions when I write so there should not be an issue. My goal is #1, not satisfying the needs of others because of a private matter that I have chosen to make public. It just sounded much too complicated.
LETS GET STARTED!!!!!!
As I have noted in my last blog of my most recent accident that resulted in a concussion, it seems situations have elevated in concern of my wellbeing. Not just the fact that the last concussion was the problem, but it elevated from a previous plateau. A plateau that was a subsequent elevation from yet an earlier plateau, and so on. I think you see my point. My goal throughout this has been to keep my head up, stay strong, remain positive, and keep plugging away. Since the 2 plus years of suffering and progressing with this disease I have come to find out that I am not the only one that must deal with everything that has endured. Life sucks sometimes. My entire life has been of a mindset to deal with the issue and move on. Never have I dwelled on MY issues to whine or feel sorry for myself. I deal with it and move on. Well, the part I have never considered was the part of how my kids, my mother, my siblings, OH NO, MY WIFE! She has always been by my side. She is a nurse, always watching out for me. She is riding this rollercoaster with me sitting on my lap. Right? Right? Oops.......WRONG AGAIN!!
Why are my kids so distant and defiant? Because they are kids!!! RIGHT???? (Fading horn blows) FAIL!!! My children, older and younger, I guess have not bought in to the fact that my plan is working for me. My wife, whom I will call Tammi, in this blog, and not my Editor in chief or any other name that I have found funny or displayed as humor in past posts or blogs. This can't affect her because I am doing the laundry, keeping the house clean, doing anything possible to keep her mind on her work, children and family. No one needs to worry about me, I am doing my part.
I have never stopped to think or even ask what my children think or what their concerns are about my illness. As long as I keep doing my part, I think it will blend in as part of everyday life. RIGHT? Son of a bitch!! Can someone please say Right one time stick that horn where the sun doesn't shine?? I guess not. I see this light in the distance and it is approaching quickly, Shit is about to get real!!!
These are thoughts that I have been forced to deal with and since my birthday falls on the same day as the new fiscal calendar year of the federal government, I thought it would be a good time to take inventory! Inventory to the degree of profits are declining and my efforts are increasing and more difficult to keep my very vague goals that I described that will keep me plugging away. So, after a couple of incidents that applied to facebook brought much of this to a head. I have decided to stay off social media in the respect of posting and commenting. I am going to post my blog, but I will not respond to any comments. And please comment if you wish and please share the blog if you will. I am doing something for the betterment of my life and going public doing it. I encourage any and all that have not
"Taken Inventory", to do so.
My facebook blog that got this rolling was in regards to what I felt was a bullying incident. This is not a post I would have made 1 year ago, 5 years ago or ever as far as that is concerned. For some reason recently I have felt compelled to get into the drama phase of social media. Not only this post, but many political and highly sensitive material that is subject to much debate. I didn't ask if it was right and the f@#king horn blows anyway. Hahaha!!! Next is calling my wife these derogatory names publicly such as Editor in chief disrespectfully.
Here is the deal. I have already started decreasing (weaning) off of a narcotic pain killer, and another non-narcotic pain med that are both highly sensitive to this process. This was after a lengthy doctors visit that Tammi made for me. I was able to completely tell it like I see it from seeing doctor after doctor and to get nothing more than a try this medication or try this medication. Or people I know who have all of the answers because they read it on WEB MD. I am blowing the horn now and it is going to blow until it runs out of air. For people I know, why would I take any advice from someone that has absolutely no knowledge of the medical profession when I have little trust in the medical professionals. It is best to constructive research on things they like. I talked to a friend of mine that is in a similar position as myself and he summed it up perfectly. "Everyone wants to be the one that says SEE I AM RIGHT"! Next, I have started staying away from any relationships that may be negatively impacted. And So far so good! I really feel much better today
I will talk to you soon and instead of me just plugging away my new bus filled with my family will be rollin' rollin' rollin'!!!
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Long Term Effects of Concussions FTD/CTE Awareness Blog: Everything is getting a little more foggy
Long Term Effects of Concussions FTD/CTE Awareness Blog: Everything is getting a little more foggy: It has been several months since my last blog and I have a good explanation. I have been busy. I have gone from crutches at the first part...
Everything is getting a little more foggy
It has been several months since my last blog and I have a good explanation. I have been busy. I have gone from crutches at the first part of the year to leg braces to confined to a wheelchair.
As the year started, I was using my cuff crutches which allowed me more freedoms than using my walker. Still many limitations with my leg weakness, I was vertical and maneuvering freely wherever I needed to go. My spirits were good and that is a huge part of staying active with a progressive disease that can hit at any time and when the decline stops, nobody knows.
In April, I got my long awaited leg braces. What a rejoice that was. I started with using my crutches with them and was able to ditch the crutches within a few days of wearing them. I still had some balance problems, but I getting around without many problems at all. I started a garden with sunflowers, pumpkins, tomatoes, jalapeno peppers, watermelons and cantaloupes. It was great. I trimmed some trees, cleaned the house and kept the laundry up daily. I was going for walks, playing catch with the boys, and I even mowed the backyard one time, but not without getting a tongue lashing from my wife for over doing it. Over doing it??? I am on top of the world! I did not know how what I missed until I lost it. and then I got it back!!! Nothing is stopping me! Oops, I forgot I had a progressive disease, I was intolerant to heat, I did still have a lot of muscle pain, but I was on drugs to control most of the pain. AND THEN..............It hit. My son was mowing the neighbors lawn and I was trimming up one of his trees. I took a small branch to the back yard and as I was coming back, my right leg just stopped working. I kept working, but my right leg was dragging. I couldn't pick it up to take a step. It wasn't working so I thought I would take a break and rest up. As I rested for a couple of hours I went to the kitchen and my left leg stopped working. Just like the right one, I could not lift it to take a step. My thought at that time was, that was the best six weeks of my life and I wouldn't change a thing.
So, the first part of June, I was in a wheelchair with limited mobility. I could shuffle with the aid of anything I could grab to hold myself up a few steps. Until September 5th. I was riding my electric wheelchair on the Pittsburg State University Campus to pick something up for my wife. As I was heading down the paved hike and bike trail, I hit an area that the asphalt was taken out and AB-3 was put in as temporary surfacing. When my wheelchair hit that spot, my wheelchair hit the edge of the pavement and threw me from my chair. I was about 10 feet from my chair and dazed so I crawled back to it and got my senses and went about my business. As the day went on my body and head were feeling the impact of the accident. My wife took me to the emergency room to get checked out because of the pain I was experiencing. They ran CT scans to make sure I wasn't bleeding internally and diagnosed me with a concussion. Through the next week I lost most of my strength in my body and excruciating muscular and head pain that was blinding. I had a follow up with my neurologist that week and he just said time will tell the outcome. He did increase some meds for my pain and I am still awaiting the relief. I told Tammi that I do not think my head could withstand another concussion given the way I feel now. Not to mention the parts that are broken on my wheelchair.
This has been a catch up of the last several months of my life and hopefully I can keep up a little more often. I by no means am whining about my condition, but simply describing my condition. Since this accident, my vision is double in the worst way. I am typing this with one eye closed and my tremors have substancially gotten worse. Despite the ills of this last concussion, I am going to see a pain management doctor that will help with the pain and I am still keeping a positive outlook. I have a wonderful family and Tammi's family that have been very supportive. My children, Connie, Christy, Joe, Spencer, and Luke are always there willing and offering to help in any way they can. Tammi has been an angel, making my life easier to function. Last week she built me a ramp that is as well built as any professional could have constructed. My mother worries more about me than she does herself as she is struggling through her own health issues. Thank you Mom for your continued prayers and thoughts.
As the year started, I was using my cuff crutches which allowed me more freedoms than using my walker. Still many limitations with my leg weakness, I was vertical and maneuvering freely wherever I needed to go. My spirits were good and that is a huge part of staying active with a progressive disease that can hit at any time and when the decline stops, nobody knows.
In April, I got my long awaited leg braces. What a rejoice that was. I started with using my crutches with them and was able to ditch the crutches within a few days of wearing them. I still had some balance problems, but I getting around without many problems at all. I started a garden with sunflowers, pumpkins, tomatoes, jalapeno peppers, watermelons and cantaloupes. It was great. I trimmed some trees, cleaned the house and kept the laundry up daily. I was going for walks, playing catch with the boys, and I even mowed the backyard one time, but not without getting a tongue lashing from my wife for over doing it. Over doing it??? I am on top of the world! I did not know how what I missed until I lost it. and then I got it back!!! Nothing is stopping me! Oops, I forgot I had a progressive disease, I was intolerant to heat, I did still have a lot of muscle pain, but I was on drugs to control most of the pain. AND THEN..............It hit. My son was mowing the neighbors lawn and I was trimming up one of his trees. I took a small branch to the back yard and as I was coming back, my right leg just stopped working. I kept working, but my right leg was dragging. I couldn't pick it up to take a step. It wasn't working so I thought I would take a break and rest up. As I rested for a couple of hours I went to the kitchen and my left leg stopped working. Just like the right one, I could not lift it to take a step. My thought at that time was, that was the best six weeks of my life and I wouldn't change a thing.
So, the first part of June, I was in a wheelchair with limited mobility. I could shuffle with the aid of anything I could grab to hold myself up a few steps. Until September 5th. I was riding my electric wheelchair on the Pittsburg State University Campus to pick something up for my wife. As I was heading down the paved hike and bike trail, I hit an area that the asphalt was taken out and AB-3 was put in as temporary surfacing. When my wheelchair hit that spot, my wheelchair hit the edge of the pavement and threw me from my chair. I was about 10 feet from my chair and dazed so I crawled back to it and got my senses and went about my business. As the day went on my body and head were feeling the impact of the accident. My wife took me to the emergency room to get checked out because of the pain I was experiencing. They ran CT scans to make sure I wasn't bleeding internally and diagnosed me with a concussion. Through the next week I lost most of my strength in my body and excruciating muscular and head pain that was blinding. I had a follow up with my neurologist that week and he just said time will tell the outcome. He did increase some meds for my pain and I am still awaiting the relief. I told Tammi that I do not think my head could withstand another concussion given the way I feel now. Not to mention the parts that are broken on my wheelchair.
This has been a catch up of the last several months of my life and hopefully I can keep up a little more often. I by no means am whining about my condition, but simply describing my condition. Since this accident, my vision is double in the worst way. I am typing this with one eye closed and my tremors have substancially gotten worse. Despite the ills of this last concussion, I am going to see a pain management doctor that will help with the pain and I am still keeping a positive outlook. I have a wonderful family and Tammi's family that have been very supportive. My children, Connie, Christy, Joe, Spencer, and Luke are always there willing and offering to help in any way they can. Tammi has been an angel, making my life easier to function. Last week she built me a ramp that is as well built as any professional could have constructed. My mother worries more about me than she does herself as she is struggling through her own health issues. Thank you Mom for your continued prayers and thoughts.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Where has all of the time gone? I have not posted anything for such a long time, but I have had many new exciting things happening in my life.
We moved to a new home. It is a one story home and is quite a bit smaller than our last house, but I really enjoy the warmth and comfort it displays. Very homey!!! We are still settling in as most of the boxes are unpacked, we have more in the garage and pictures to hang. It is a block from my kids school, a half of a block from the Pittsburg State University Football stadium, 3 blocks from the bank and grocery store. Very convenient. We moved just in time also. As I have noted before, my condition has progressed and I can barely get up two steps now opposed to the 12 or so at the last house. God knows what he is doing!!!
My daughter Connie was married in November also. She decided to have the ceremony in Key Largo and was it ever a blast of fun. My wife, mom, daughter (Christy), grandson, and two sons along with myself drove to the wedding. We rented a mini van and took to the road. We were able to rent it at a much discounted rate thanks to some great friends. I spent so much quality time with Christy, Cannon, and mom and I loved being grandpa! He is such a blessing and such a good baby. I love them all very much. Had a great time with all of my children as Joe (son) flew down with Connie. I was able to walk Connie down the aisle and dance the father daughter dance!!! Oh yes, I gained a son in law as well!!! Welcome to the family Tyler!!
All of the kids came down for Christmas and we had a great time as always. I have a new son-in-law, grandson, my son Joe's girlfriend Jessica is an angel and as of recent my daughter has a new boyfriend that kind of shares a lot of the same humor as me. I sure love having fun!!!!
As I continue my journey I am often hit with the challenges of everyday life. Things I once took for granted are now a major decision. I am no longer driving because my arms would lock up as I would turn the steering wheel. Only for a few seconds, but it is not worth the consequences of hurting my kids or anyone else. I had a surge of energy the other day and was able to walk with my walker through the house. It only lasted a short time and I have been hurting and weaker yet ever since.
I went to my neurologist in December and she was a real bitch. She wants to redo all of my testing that I have already done. I asked her why and she said just to get a different perspective. I thought to myself that you can examine a turd from many angles but in the end it is just a turd.She did minimal on the exam and ordered a neuropshych test for April. She kept saying that my condition did not have the flavor of this and that, but I kept thinking to myself that it sure smells like shit though. I gave women a compliment on there thoroughness a while back. She must have too much testosterone flowing. The first thing every doctor thinks is that I am trying to ride the gravy train or I am crazy. I have already gone through 3 neurologists testing and they have all determined I am not crazy or milking the system. Maybe time is the main culprit here? As I progress she can better understand.
I feel very lucky to be able to share my life stories on this blog. I have my best friend laying in his home suffering the end stage of colon cancer. He is such an inspiration as his family is tirelessly taking shifts to care for him. My prayers are no longer to cure him of his disease, but to help him in his transition to the afterlife and to give his wife and children peace in this tragic event. I love the guy and he has always shown his character through his courage, honor and love.
I just got off of the phone with my other best friend, Matt (we have a group of best friends) and he told me how there is so much dignity in the suffering of dying. He quoted the Bible regarding God sending His only Son to be crucified and the ultimate suffering for our sins. He said that suffering brings us closer to God as we strive to get closer and learn of his teachings. It sure makes a lot of sense to me because I do not believe God punishes people he loves and forgives.
As I have been studying the New Testament, I am not being a preacher, just observations from a sinner.
Have a great day and I hope I do not wait so long to blog next time.
We moved to a new home. It is a one story home and is quite a bit smaller than our last house, but I really enjoy the warmth and comfort it displays. Very homey!!! We are still settling in as most of the boxes are unpacked, we have more in the garage and pictures to hang. It is a block from my kids school, a half of a block from the Pittsburg State University Football stadium, 3 blocks from the bank and grocery store. Very convenient. We moved just in time also. As I have noted before, my condition has progressed and I can barely get up two steps now opposed to the 12 or so at the last house. God knows what he is doing!!!
My daughter Connie was married in November also. She decided to have the ceremony in Key Largo and was it ever a blast of fun. My wife, mom, daughter (Christy), grandson, and two sons along with myself drove to the wedding. We rented a mini van and took to the road. We were able to rent it at a much discounted rate thanks to some great friends. I spent so much quality time with Christy, Cannon, and mom and I loved being grandpa! He is such a blessing and such a good baby. I love them all very much. Had a great time with all of my children as Joe (son) flew down with Connie. I was able to walk Connie down the aisle and dance the father daughter dance!!! Oh yes, I gained a son in law as well!!! Welcome to the family Tyler!!
All of the kids came down for Christmas and we had a great time as always. I have a new son-in-law, grandson, my son Joe's girlfriend Jessica is an angel and as of recent my daughter has a new boyfriend that kind of shares a lot of the same humor as me. I sure love having fun!!!!
As I continue my journey I am often hit with the challenges of everyday life. Things I once took for granted are now a major decision. I am no longer driving because my arms would lock up as I would turn the steering wheel. Only for a few seconds, but it is not worth the consequences of hurting my kids or anyone else. I had a surge of energy the other day and was able to walk with my walker through the house. It only lasted a short time and I have been hurting and weaker yet ever since.
I went to my neurologist in December and she was a real bitch. She wants to redo all of my testing that I have already done. I asked her why and she said just to get a different perspective. I thought to myself that you can examine a turd from many angles but in the end it is just a turd.She did minimal on the exam and ordered a neuropshych test for April. She kept saying that my condition did not have the flavor of this and that, but I kept thinking to myself that it sure smells like shit though. I gave women a compliment on there thoroughness a while back. She must have too much testosterone flowing. The first thing every doctor thinks is that I am trying to ride the gravy train or I am crazy. I have already gone through 3 neurologists testing and they have all determined I am not crazy or milking the system. Maybe time is the main culprit here? As I progress she can better understand.
I feel very lucky to be able to share my life stories on this blog. I have my best friend laying in his home suffering the end stage of colon cancer. He is such an inspiration as his family is tirelessly taking shifts to care for him. My prayers are no longer to cure him of his disease, but to help him in his transition to the afterlife and to give his wife and children peace in this tragic event. I love the guy and he has always shown his character through his courage, honor and love.
I just got off of the phone with my other best friend, Matt (we have a group of best friends) and he told me how there is so much dignity in the suffering of dying. He quoted the Bible regarding God sending His only Son to be crucified and the ultimate suffering for our sins. He said that suffering brings us closer to God as we strive to get closer and learn of his teachings. It sure makes a lot of sense to me because I do not believe God punishes people he loves and forgives.
As I have been studying the New Testament, I am not being a preacher, just observations from a sinner.
Have a great day and I hope I do not wait so long to blog next time.
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