Average people with nowhere to go.

Here are some wacked out thoughts for the day.

The last week has been pretty draining. We sold our house, inspections, put an offer and accepted on a new house, the never ending struggles with banks trying to secure financing, on and on. Anyway. I have not posted anything on here because I have been drained. Everyday normal events take its toll on me. Why? Must be part of the big picture.

My wife has been on an endless mission. She is working overtime, coming home packing boxes, taking care of the laundry and many more tasks that are not conducive to my physical capabilities. It sucks to not be able to do that stuff, but she is my Angel from Heaven. I did something right in my life to get to share my life with such a great person. A guy I know posted some rules he lives by and I could not help but share them; When living our lives keep in mind these rules.

1. Have no fear
2. Look for meaning in what you do/say, even if it takes a bit longer.
3. Realize that it is all relative, and not a linear progression. There will always be better days, no matter what.
                                   
 “Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.”
― Shannon L. Alder

As I said the last week has taken a toll on me and I cannot help but notice that it feels most of my physical symptoms have progressed. When I say progressed, I mean advancing into a decline. I have been writing thank you notes to people that were part of the benefit that was held in August (I know, and I am sorry for the late response). I now have to write in cursive and I can hardly lift the pen up between words. My walking has declined to a mere baby step. It takes me forever to go a short distance. As I take much pride in my "has been" moments, I once could run the 40 yard dash in 4.5 seconds, now, I am not sure I can walk 40 yards. Although my physical abilities are declining, my cognitive have not worsened with it. That I am thankful for. I am not whining, just documenting things for awareness.

My neurologist at KU Medical Center gave us strict notes as what to do if my conditions worsens........call immediately! I gave Tammi a little quiz on my progression last week and as we are both aware that I have gradually and steadily declined over the last year. I have felt a rapid progression recently and called them on Friday. Still waiting on the call back. My appointment is in the middle of December and I do not think knowing anything is going to change anything. Whatever, just got to keep on rolling!! I am looking for medical studies to try and get involved with. My problem is, I don't want a placebo. It sounds like I may want to control the study, huh? lol!

I am curious why there are not studies with people that have played at different levels of sports. You know, people that have just played at the youth level, or up to the middle school age level and so on. I think as much emphasis that is being put on the National Football League, the more I think it is just about the research funds. Why don't the researchers try to get the NFL, NBA and other sport leagues pay for the research to start this research ( in depth). If we know where the long term effects are starting, maybe there is a better chance of prevention than what is happening. As the competition increases at each level the chances of getting head trauma is greater.

I talked to a local college football player. probably one of the hardest hitting kids I have seen in a long time, about his hitting. I told him as hard as you hit I know you have seen stars when you hit people? He politely grinned and said no sir, I do not know what you are talking about. I had to laugh and I told him that you wouldn't say anything if you did? He grinned at me again and went back to the camp that he was working with youth. I did tell him to take care of his brain because you don't have a backup. Hopefully the research will advance and there will be hope for these kids if they are ever diagnosed with cognitive difficulties. I hope they never experience it though!!!

How many kids or young men have been incarcerated or committed suicide or have been diagnosed with a mental illness and thrown into a system and forgotten about? I think as this disease is coming to a heightened attention, It is time these people are reevaluated and get second opinions. Decision making, addiction, and many other symptoms are associated with mild head trauma. These are not excuses! It is a disease!  The wrong medications with a wrong diagnosis can mimic different mental illnesses. There are some traits that would be similar to a sociopath. The apathy is the crazy thing along with the lack of empathy. It cannot be helped. The only thing you can do is be aware of these and try to minimize the symptoms. I have lost most of my empathy and I really have to think about how I should feel in certain instances and when people don't understand me, I get angry. Apathy and loss of empathy are vital. It is our conscience and it is not that I do not give a shit, It is just impossible to give a shit! I work hard on this because I am always accused of not showing emotion. Well except anger.

Life is fair and life is good and there are many good people in it!!!